Welcome, Guest Sign InSign Up
This column popular content

3 cats have outmaneuvered their 2 humans to hold a blender hostage for weeks

Details of the 3 cats have outmaneuvered their 2 humans to hold a blender hostage for weeks

Jessica Gerson-Neeves and her wife, Nikii, are really looking forward to using their new Vitamix blender to whip up smoothies and soups. In fact, the highly anticipated Black Friday purchase has recently become the focal point of their kitchen at home in British Columbia, Canada.

There's just one problem: They can't actually unpack it.

"It arrived in the mail on Dec. 16, and I brought it inside and set the box down on the kitchen floor for just a quick second," Gerson-Neeves says. "And that was a month ago."

The cardboard box has become the site of a weekslong turf war between the couple and their three cats, in a saga that has garnered thousands of invested followers on social media.


Related Story: Cats Take 'If I Fits I Sits' Seriously, Even If The Space Is Just An Illusion

Gerson-Neeves has posted near-daily updates on the cats' Facebook page (warning: language), documenting their hilariously formal changing of the guard, ever-shifting alliances and misadventures involving decoy boxes.

The posts read like dispatches from the front lines of a high-stakes battle, documenting the trio's every move and their humans' unsuccessful attempts to disrupt them.

The youngest troublemaker is Max, a tuxedo cat with the alias "sentient soccer ball." Then there's George, Destroyer of Worlds ("that's what's on his tag," Gerson-Neeves says), also known as "sentient potato." Rounding out the group is Lando Calrissian, who moonlights in the posts as "questionably sentient dust bunny" because, according to Gerson-Neeves, "he has a lot of fluff and very few thoughts."

The cats' page has grown from 64 followers to some 25,000, as people around the world learn about the story.

Gerson-Neeves stressed in a phone interview that the cats aren't literally holding the Vitamix hostage. They could, of course, be hoisted off the box at any point. But she says she and her wife aren't in a rush to end the stalemate since it's providing some much-needed levity.

"Certainly we could relocate them. They don't weigh a ton. It would be very easy to pick whoever's on the box up and put them on the floor and open the box," Gerson-Neeves says. "But why would we end something that is bringing us so much laughter? The cats are having a good time, and so many other people are enjoying this as well. I think we all are very much in need of something that is silly and low stakes right now."

A single Facebook post left observers hungry for more

It all began, Gerson-Neeves says, when Max hopped on the Vitamix box as soon as she put it down that fateful December day. Like any besotted cat owner, she thought it was adorable and snapped a picture, which she posted to a cat-lovers Facebook group.

"I posted it with a tongue-in-cheek caption about how this was breaking news, which clearly this was not, and by the next day I think about 10,000 people had interacted with the post," she explains.

She wrote jokingly in the original post that she would provide updates if the standoff continued, and members of the group held her to that promise, even as days turned into weeks.


Related Story: Does Your Cat Like You — Or Just Tolerate You?

Here's a snippet from Jan. 4, or "WEEK 2, DAY 7":

"At the cusp of the third—yes, THIRD—week of Appliancegate, we return to the saga to find that the Questionably Sentient Dust Bunny has settled in for the night shift atop the Vitamix. While no video evidence was caught of the unfortunate incident, his occupation of the annexed territory was immediately preceded by possibly the single least graceful dismount in the history of felinehood (felinity? Whatever), which somehow involved the sentient soccer ball first smacking headfirst into a wall immediately prior to pulling a fly-you-fools, briefly hanging off of the side of the Vitamix box."

Gerson-Neeves says she has been particularly moved by the comments that their growing audience leaves on Facebook, both the hilarious and the heartfelt.

Those include people experiencing seasonal depression, exhausted health care workers and even one woman "who said that her husband had been profoundly depressed for a long time and this was the first time she'd seen him smile in months," Gerson-Neeves recalls.

"It is silly and ridiculous and very low stakes and not an actual problem and just something that people can laugh at," she adds. "Everything is so overwhelming and so painful right now that people are desperately in need of things they can just laugh at."

Followers — and Vitamix — offered up ideas

Gerson-Neeves says it's not uncommon for her cats to investigate new objects brought inside the house, but they generally lose interest. But for some reason, this box has held their attention.

Over time, commenters have taken it upon themselves to offer the owners — bemused and blenderless — some action plans.

Some jokingly suggested tunneling underneath the box to extract the blender from below or buying three more blenders so that every invested party could have its own.

While the household certainly didn't need four Vitamixes, Gerson-Neeves realized it could potentially use four boxes. So she wrote the company on Facebook, thinking it would give the company's social media manager a laugh.

Vitamix itself responded with action — it mailed the couple three empty boxes.

They stuffed the first box with clothes and blankets and set it up in the kitchen. Gerson-Neeves says there's "a reasonable chance" that once all the boxes are assembled, there will be an opportune window for a blender rescue.

Gerson-Neeves told the cats' followers that she and her wife would work on setting up the other two boxes the following day. But she says they were "inundated" with comments imploring them not to cut the story short, and they decided to oblige, at least for now.


Related Story: You Adopted A Pandemic Pet. Now You're Going Back To The Office. What Next?

As Gerson-Neeves put it, it's hard to ruin the fun of thousands of people in favor of a kitchen appliance.

"I think in the world that we live in right now, this kind of humor and whimsy is a lot harder to come by than a blender," she says.

Of course, the standoff can't go on forever. Butternut squash soup beckons. When that day comes, what will be Gerson-Neeves' first Vitamix creation?

A margarita, she says. "I think we've earned one."

In comments
Devyani SrivastavDo you manufacture engine and or personal cooling systems in Singapore?
Md. Shah AlamNeed 16s (60% BCI Cotton+40% Texloop)
Need 18s (60% BCI Cotton+40% Texloop)
Robin JefferyMy client urgently needs 100,000MT Icumsa 45 to Dubai. Tell me what you have.

Please reply to:- info44 (at) robin2020.plus.com
Karim soTapioca Stratch Ship brand we need for Bangladesh.pls.eend details along with prices CFR Chittagong Bangladesh.
Shareef NoorNeed quotation for complete windscreen manufacturing line.
email me at
noor_118 (at) yahoo.com
MaheshDear Sir

We use Mono Chlorobenzene in good volume please let us know your best price for 1 ISO tank along with COA and specification.
Pululudzani Pretty MaungeI invested R650 on the 08/04/07 and was given certificate of confirmation of share ownership on the 04/12/07. How can I redeem this shares.
How to join the alley simmeredAverage work is there but there not good salary increment.
How to join Chef PengJob security. They can fire you in a day.Company Policies, Career Growth, training, learning....
How much is Luye's initial feeNetcracker is not support through COVID-19. Even it's terminating 10 to 15% people.This is worst company no work life balance. Do your work and take salary that's it.
What to do if franchise stores close downNo cultural ethics, No Job security, No policy, Russian dominancy.
How to let others joincompensation , increment is good every year, RBM Billing product ,free transport
VM SREEWe would like to purchase pure virgin coconut oil in bulk purchase. Pls send us your pricing details. We are located at Kedah, Malaysia. Our email add is sriwirajaya (at) yahoo.com
Lawrence AnthonyAm interested and in Liberia,so please email me at lawanthony2014 (at) gmail.com for more discussion
JorgDear Sir′s, which kind of machines for the construction industries do you sell?
Thanks & best regards
Jorg
lippertjorg (at) gmail.com
Bukhari autohi dear friend just
Need your diesel pump nozzle
How about joining an optical shopWorking is happy but below the salary in my office.
How about joining Aiqin Maternal and Child StoreIts like a family group
How do express franchisees complainI did work faithfully with Artemis institute
How to join urCurrently the new management people has a trust deficit and lot of partiality going on in case of promotion and recommendation.
How to join an unmanned supermarketI love the fact that i am a part of this company.
How to join Hailan HouseI have an great working experience at The Akshaya Patra Foundation,this origination is doing very great work for society.The working culture of this origination is very well.I am feeling proude to worked in this orgination.thank you ankur sharma
vidyaWe require Refined soyabean oil for Bangladesh 6500 MT .
Sam JohannesHallo Dear Sir,

We need Sunflower oil. Please let us know if you have
Related Products